questions in an entertaining fashion

- „Do you believe in getting even?“
- „Do I believe in revenge?“
- „Yes.“
- „I definitely believe in revenge.“
„I absolutely believe in revenge.“
- „People always say that revenge is a dish best served cold, it’s better....
It’s good any time you get it. You know, any chance you have for revenge – take!
Never let that pass you by!
I do, I believe in revenge.
I don’t believe in forgiveness, however. It might be ethnic because forgiveness is a Christian thing. I mean forgiveness in fact, is Christianity. That is what Christianity is.
I mean everyone was Jewish, then came Christ, he said „I’ll forgive you“, and „Oooh“, they all went. Naturally it’s a much bigger religion, but the Jewish god is not an avenging God, the Jewish God is a judge. You know? So I would say that I am very judgmental.“

Fran Lebowitz

future perfect

My next girlfriend has soft skin and an intoxicating scent.

My girlfriend starts where I end.

My new girlfriend stores her nail-polish in the fridge, right next to the bottle of rum.

She bakes. She cleans the kitchen on her fours. A mesmerizing sight.

My next girlfriend reads a book before bed.

My girlfriend comes up to me and steals a hug. A cuddle on the couch. My new girlfriend will spread her thighs to be mine.

you're the mother of God, look it!

I’m am surrounded by lonely people. People who go to bed and wake up alone, with their little hearts bursting from pain and longing.
It’s been a while, it is bound to stop - any day now.
Except that it doesn’t.

So we wake, stumble out of bed, hoping that maybe today, universe willing, will be the day we meet someone that we could
love like. Like never before.
That would make this pain go. Soften, lessen – anything?!

In the meantime. I drink. I go out. I nurse hangovers.
Do the things I don’t really want to be doing.
I mourn.
Months have passed – I still feel you.

different to, different from

I simply miss you.
I miss you, being you.

Your routines, your skin, your smell.
Your shape.
Your silly little philosophies.

I miss standing in the bathroom watching you apply night cream.
How you would do it so very gracefully. You always said you got it from your mother. You'd watched her as a child.

I would stand behind you and not look at you, but at the reflection of you in the mirror. Your face would look different from that angle.
Different to real life. I always found it fascinating.

I don't know how to gracefully apply night cream. And every time I ungracefully stumble through it, I think of you.

drake passage

I’m cutting you off. And it’s killing me.
Which is funny because I’m cutting you off to
achieve exactly the opposite.
To survive.

i told the Alps

that I love you.
I knelt in the snow, breathing in the crisp air and the magnificent view, and let the Universe know (for a gazillionth of time) that I... Simply... Love you.
It was a day I could actually see more than two feet further from my nose.
Much appreciated.


There’s certain beauty in chaos - howling wind and biting temperatures – only when appropriately dressed. I was; and I wasn’t. Like with all things in life.


I went up the mountain thinking of you and I came down thinking of the ascent. What a relief.

I took that turn. On my toes at a 75 degree angle. Then I swapped over, and took another 75 degrees on my heels. And I could not see a thing. Just the wind howling.
Funny thing, our bodies. Mine is a good little vessel.
If only I knew where I was heading.
I have a cold sore on my lips and a frost-bitten nose.
I’ve roughed it up just lately.

get home safe

I don’t remember if we held hands. I hope we were at some point. Because it was a wonderful night, and we should have. We should have. We had had a nice dinner. And we were having a good long conversation whereas we were not talking past each other.

Money was running tight. So we walked the hour, west to east. 110st to 89st. We made a L-shape route around the edge of Central Park, surreally alive and loud with wildlife – insects and birds. The homeless were settling down to claimed park benches. Ready for the night.

We walked past a fighting gay couple and two homeless guys. One of them, all ragged, looked at us long and hard, and said – „You get home safe!“.

I'm not afraid, all is forgiven

I would take the car down main street Rincón to a certain payphone, and I would hunt for a certain kind of phone card. I would get there in the 40 C heat and dial your number. And try to be close to you. I would sit down on the dirty sidewalk, holding the receiver. Listening. I loved your voice, and the femininity of it.
I would miss every single spectacular sunset, described in the Lonely Planet, to talk to you. I gladly did.


Again and again over the years I would listen to you babbling on and thinking; „God, how I love your voice“. And then you would laugh out.
And I used to love that too...

cliché

... the thing is...
I fancy our secretary.
Really.
I do...

my everything

My car is my living room. My kitchen, my wardrobe and
most recently... my garage.

I live out of my car. I live out of 4 homes.
I keep losing things. It's nothing new.

potential

Kõnnin läbi vihma trammi peale. Õhus on nii palju potentsiaali, paljulubavat. Kui vaid jätkuks mõistust haarata. Ja peenike kevade ja suve niit päästab. Ja ma mõtlen ülbelt I don't care. Ilm päästab mu.
Me vist oleme õrnemad. Tundlikumad kui muud? Kogu aeg haamerdab peas küsimus. Miks, kuidas, mismõttes, miks mitte? Ma arvan, sa saad aru. Know what I mean?
Ma jään sind ootama, kallis sõber!
22:41:37

don't make no difference

I’ve been sober for so long now. There’s nothing to numb life with.
The thoughts are so clear and sharp that they burst through all the walls I try to construct.

And I’m so tired. And I’m waiting.
The biggest push.
And I’m trying to understand your choices.
Of what is making you give up before there even is a choice to give up on...

Why do we give up. Without even trying.
I never understood that sort of fear.

That limits you. Us.

i am yours now

Self-pity is a powerful negative tool.
That works through a devil clad in purgatory red,
horns and despising smile. That sits on your shoulder and
whispers sad bullshit in your ear.

And you listen.
I need to stop this.

oh my god, you are so cool!

Now, what would I do without you?!
Now, what would I honestly do without you???

the center holds, so they say

April 2003

You unzipped and showed me your underwear. I found it rather odd. Does that mean you want to be buddies? Does that mean you trust me with such personal details, like you would your boyfriend? Or does that mean I'm just a little bit closer to, maybe, getting laid? Yeah - as if!

You unzipped and I could almost see your pubes. You said, "Too much!", and zipped up, leaving just an inch showing. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what you wanted me to be.

You didn't want to be kissed, you didn't want to be held. Instead we hugged a tree together. You were wearing your Oriflame sunglasses with funny, scratched lenses that make you even blinder than you already are...

lutheran guilt

I’m motivated by nothing but guilt. If you know anything about me...,I am just a towering mass of Lutheran, Mid-Western guilt.

Dave Letterman

letting the cables sleep

I opened the window and breathed in the fresh air of mid fall. Decaying leaves. Not there yet. The rain still sounds like precious summer. At one point it changes. Soon.
I looked at the little rivers that had formed and were running underneath the cars, carrying little floating yellow leaves.

I had consumed half a bottle of wine. I had been on the phone with you for two hours and. There was no breakthrough. After 6 years. I am on the phone with you and I feel, as if... No. I feel nothing. You don’t let me feel anything. You are in an other world. As if I never knew you.
I don’t even think that you like me these days. For we are different. Or you are different. I, for most part think, have not changed.
You are still in me, a part of me. ME.
And yet you construct your little glass walls, which are not to be seen, only to be felt. Down the cable lines our voices drift and you tell me time and time again, that you've got to go.
Go.
It’s sad. To lose. Spark.
I think you’ve lost yours.

going to pieces without falling apart

Got to love that blissful ignorance you have before meeting someone that is going to change your life. Not knowing the significance of things to come. Yet. That is good. Some relationships ought to stay frozen in that moment. They should...

summer skin

I’m so incredibly rural. Heavy farm equipment on the roads and hay bales scattered about the field give the feeling of reassurance. Strange and solid safety. What did I expect? This is what I know.

indian summer

I took a walk around the block. And then I walked to the pub. The local pub. And I had a beer. It felt like spring. And it smelled like spring. Even the sun shone like spring.

There’s another fork in the road, and it seems they always seem to come in September.
The trees are still swaying green but I can’t really hear the birds anymore.

Today was all about make or break. And guess what, I might have actually made it. This time.
Tomorrow I’ll be facing an adventure. Another adventure.