As Cool As I Am

questions in an entertaining fashion

2011-04-08T22:54:00.002+03:00

- „Do you believe in getting even?“
- „Do I believe in revenge?“
- „Yes.“
- „I definitely believe in revenge.“
„I absolutely believe in revenge.“
- „People always say that revenge is a dish best served cold, it’s better....
It’s good any time you get it. You know, any chance you have for revenge – take!
Never let that pass you by!
I do, I believe in revenge.
I don’t believe in forgiveness, however. It might be ethnic because forgiveness is a Christian thing. I mean forgiveness in fact, is Christianity. That is what Christianity is.
I mean everyone was Jewish, then came Christ, he said „I’ll forgive you“, and „Oooh“, they all went. Naturally it’s a much bigger religion, but the Jewish god is not an avenging God, the Jewish God is a judge. You know? So I would say that I am very judgmental.“

Fran Lebowitz

future perfect

2011-02-20T21:29:00.003+02:00

My next girlfriend has soft skin and an intoxicating scent.

My girlfriend starts where I end.
I know this cant really be, but ... nevertheless.

My new girlfriend stores her nail-polish in the fridge, right next to the bottle of rum.

She bakes. She cleans the kitchen on her fours. A mesmerizing sight.

My girlfriend comes up to me and steals a hug.
When it’s late at night - a cuddle on the couch.

My girlfriend lets me know she needs me, and let’s me go when I need things so.

My girlfriend will spread her thighs to be mine.
Her hair will brush my face when we make love.

My new girlfriend reads a book before bed.

She will know, I make sure, she will know.... I love her.

ultra magnetic

2011-02-17T23:39:00.000+02:00

you're the mother of God, look it!

2011-02-17T10:58:00.003+02:00

I’m am surrounded by lonely people. People who go to bed and wake up alone, with their little hearts bursting from pain and longing.
It’s been a while, it is bound to stop - any day now.
Except that it doesn’t.

So we wake, stumble out of bed, hoping that maybe today, universe willing, will be the day we meet someone that we could
love like we’ve never been hurt before.
That would make this pain go. Soften, lessen – anything?!

In the meantime. I drink. I go out. I nurse hangovers.
Do the things I don’t really want to be doing.
I mourn. You.
I just don’t know what else to do.
How else to kill the pain.
Kill love?

How to survive, how to resurrect?
Months have passed – I still feel you.

universe

2011-02-11T10:57:00.001+02:00

... и мудрость, чтобы отличить одно от другого...

mercy

2011-02-08T21:12:00.002+02:00

Kõik, mida endas vihkad - anna endale andeks.
Kõik, mida endas armastad - anna endale andeks.
Kõik, mida häbened.
Kõik, mille üle uhkust tunned.
Kõik, mida tahad varjata.
Kõik, mida tahad näidata.
Kõik, mis ei tulnud välja, nagu kavatsetud.
Kõik, mis sa oled.
Kõik, mis sa olla tahtsid.
Anna endale andeks.

/Jonas Gardell/

timeline

2011-01-27T15:26:00.003+02:00

You know. The glimpses of my former life have started flashing just recently. A second here and two seconds there.
Pictures of my former self. Of times when I was happy and confident and actually had a clue as to where I was heading. Or at least I thought I had a clue. And that’s a huge difference for you.
Of the times when I wasn’t being pulled underwater by a fucking ticking bomb attached to my foot.

My time was spent in crazy and romantic, long distance relationships; that would jet me across state lines, continents and oceans.
When did love and relationships turn into something so banal. One city, dust balls under the bed, the suffocation?

It’s a weird time warp – going back and forth like this. That I partly like, and partly maybe, even dislike.
But I am getting over, and I am getting out of this sinkhole that is - you.

That is me and you created over the years.

different to, different from

2011-01-19T01:05:00.007+02:00

I simply miss you.
I miss you, being you.

Your routines, your skin, your smell.
Your shape.
Your silly little philosophies.

I miss standing in the bathroom watching you apply your night cream.
How you would do it so very gracefully. You always said you were doing it exactly like your mother. You'd watched her as a child.

I would stand behind you and not look at you, but at the reflection of you in the mirror. Your face would look different from that angle.
Different to real life. I always found it fascinating.

I don't know how to gracefully apply night cream. And every time I ungracefully stumble through it, I think of you.

Without make up, your face would often look incredibly tired before bed, making you appear considerably older than you actually are. I never told you this. I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
I loved that tiredness too, for it was so very intimate.

I miss kissing you good-night.

I simply, miss you.

drake passage

2011-01-12T14:19:00.003+02:00

I’m cutting you off. And it’s killing me.
Which is funny because I’m cutting you off to
achieve exactly the opposite.
To survive.

let go a lot

2011-01-09T11:46:00.001+02:00

I dream of you every single night.
And every single night it’s a nightmare of some sort.
Of pain and rejection.
And by the time it’s time to get up, I am beat.
Like I’ve been through a hundred tumble dryers one night.

I don’t know how to let go.
I do not want to let go.
I’m stuck in the past.
And time is not making it better.
It is making it worse.

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”

Ajahn Chah

i'm in it

2011-01-03T23:40:00.006+02:00

Tonight, skis in one hand and the poles in the other, I walked home from the track in the woods.
Looked up at the dark blue skies, and actually felt like a human being.
For a minute or two.

There's hope...

three short piano pieces by MJ Cole

i told the Alps

2010-12-16T00:53:00.008+02:00

that I love you.
I knelt in the snow, breathing in the crisp air and the magnificent view, and let the Universe know (for a gazillionth of time) that I... Simply... Love you.
It was a day I could actually see more than two feet further from my nose.
Much appreciated.

There’s certain beauty in chaos - howling wind and biting temperatures – only when appropriately dressed. I was; and I wasn’t. Like with all things in life.

I went up the mountain thinking of you and I came down thinking of the ascent. What a relief.

I took that turn. On my toes at a 75 degree angle. Then I swapped over, and took another 75 degrees on my heels. And I could not see a thing. Just the wind howling.
Funny thing, our bodies. Mine is a good little vessel.
If only I knew where I was heading.
I have a cold sore on my lips and a frost-bitten nose.
I’ve roughed it up just lately.

get home safe

2010-12-11T22:48:00.002+02:00

I don’t remember if we held hands. I hope we were at some point. Because it was a wonderful night, and we should have. We should have. We had had a nice dinner. And we were having a good long conversation whereas we were not talking past each other.

Money was running tight. So we walked the hour, west to east. 110st to 89st. We made a L-shape route around the edge of Central Park, surreally alive and loud with wildlife – insects and birds. The homeless were settling down to claimed park benches. Ready for the night.

We walked past a fighting gay couple and two homeless guys. One of them, all ragged, looked at us long and hard, and said – „You get home safe!“.

I want to get home safe to you. More than ever.

I'm not afraid, all is forgiven

2010-12-08T22:46:00.008+02:00

I would take the car down main street Rincón to a certain payphone, and I would hunt for a certain kind of phone card. I would get there in the 40 C heat and dial your number. And try to be close to you. I would sit down on the dirty sidewalk, holding the receiver. Listening. I loved your voice, and the femininity of it.
I would miss every single spectacular sunset, described in the Lonely Planet guide, to talk to you. I gladly did.

Again and again over the years I would listen to you babbling on and thinking; „God, how I love your voice“. And then you would laugh out.
And I used to love that too...

hard knock life

2010-11-17T13:54:00.001+02:00

it's hard

freedom 90

2010-11-12T10:52:00.004+02:00

Vabadus ei ole see, kui ma annan täielikult ennast kellelegi ära, see ei ole vabadus, see on enda äraandmine kellegi teise hoolde, kes minema kõndides jätab mind ihuüksi endaga, keda olen vahepeal unustanud armastada. Vabadus on, kui mõlemad pooled annavad võimaluse üksteise arenguks ja olla teineteise seltsis Mina ise. Vabadus on, kui mõlemad on sellele võimalusele avatud või vähemasti mõlemad (ühest ei piisa) püüdlevad selle poole, mitte ei takerdu teise inimese arengut vajavates külgedes kinni, või ei mõtle sellele hoopiski. Vabaduse soov on vastastikune.

via Je

i see souls in spirit golden

2010-10-21T14:53:00.007+03:00

I am happy. And I feel good.
And I know I can.
Anything I want.
I can.

nyc quotes

2010-09-17T15:17:00.004+03:00

...you should only screw people when you are in love with them.
Or when you are wearing a thong...

cliché

2010-05-19T13:19:00.001+03:00

... the thing is...
I fancy our secretary.
Really.
I do...

my everything

2010-05-04T12:41:00.002+03:00

My car is my living room. My kitchen, my wardrobe and
most recently... my garage.

I live out of my car. I live out of 4 homes.
I keep losing things. It's nothing new.

potential

2010-04-25T20:14:00.003+03:00

Kõnnin läbi vihma trammi peale. Õhus on nii palju potensiaali, paljulubavat. Kui vaid jätkuks mõistust haarata. Ja peenike kevade ja suve niit päästab. Ja ma mõtlen ülbelt I don't care. Ilm päästab mu.
Me vist oleme õrnemad. Tundlikumad kui muud? Kogu aeg haamerdab peas küsimus. Miks, kuidas, mismõttes, miks mitte? Ma arvan, sa saad aru. Know what I mean?
Ma jään sind ootama, kallis sõber!
22:41:37

brilliant

2010-04-19T13:58:00.004+03:00

Almost everyone had a reason for permitting Greece to tap European funds: the European Central Bank because Greece's failure is a family embarrassment best not talked about outside the house; France because the IMF is run by Dominique Strauss-Khan, a possible rival for Nicolas Sarkozy in the presidential elections of 2012; and other countries because the lion's share of the burden was likely to fall on Germany.

chris caldwell

the time is now

2010-02-25T10:49:00.000+02:00

Quote of the day:

Et nad ei mõtle sinust kui kellestki, kelleks nad sind muuta loodavaid, vaid kui sinust – nii, nagu sa juba oled. Ja kui sa täna neile sobid, ei ole neil ka vajadust sind muuta, sussistada, ümber teha, enda järgi painutada.

by: http://krissu.wordpress.com/

don't make no difference

2009-12-16T21:13:00.001+02:00

I’ve been sober for so long now. There’s nothing to numb life with.
The thoughts are so clear and sharp that they burst through all the walls I try to construct.

And I’m so tired. And I’m waiting.
The biggest push.
And I’m trying to understand your choices.
Of what is making you give up before there even is a choice to give up on...

Why do we give up. Without even trying.
I never understood that sort of fear.

That limits you. Us.

tell no one about it

2009-12-15T09:53:00.001+02:00

It starts around 10 am. That’s when I miss you the most.
Your smell.
And most of all your skin.
Do you get it?
I love you.
Get it?

darkness into darkness

2009-12-05T05:35:00.001+02:00

25.07.2008.
The moon always comes with me. Drives with me.
I stare at the blue full beam of light and feel really safe.
You always come with me like the moon - quiet, mysterious and ever present.
Shining the light, the anti-light. Swimming up-stream.

Safe. A safe box.
I’m nodding off at the wheel, wishing I would get there already. Things by the roadside start taking unimaginable shapes, converting sizes; trees into wild beasts and buildings into trees.
The flow of bugs hitting the windshield is constant. It looks as if its snowing.
Damn things are impossible to wash off.

I’ve killed two birds and a fox. Like so many things in life - they keep coming out of nowhere.

I’ve killed myself and resurrected myself countless times. I’ve killed you. And you, and you. And. YOU.

Deep inside there’s carnage. And some days, if I’m lucky, there’s beauty.

All the carnage of our journeys. Makes it harder to be living... Darkness into darkness...

(A.Ray)

in my eyes you can do no wrong

2009-11-26T01:13:00.000+02:00

I never really had it in me, did I?

2009-11-11T22:47:00.004+02:00

Love will never set you free. Never.

i am yours now

2009-11-03T16:04:00.002+02:00

Self-pity is a powerful negative tool.
That works through a devil clad in purgatory red,
horns and despising smile. That sits on your shoulder and
whispers sad bullshit in your ear.

And you listen.
I need to stop this.

oh my god, you are so cool!

2009-10-23T16:10:00.002+03:00

Now, what would I do without you?!
Now, what would I honestly do without you???

we need to talk

2009-10-22T10:44:00.002+03:00

the center holds, so they say

2009-10-08T21:08:00.004+03:00

April 2003

You unzipped and showed me your underwear. I found it rather odd. Does that mean you want to be buddies? Does that mean you trust me with such personal details, like you would your boyfriend? Or does that mean I'm just a little bit closer to, maybe, getting laid? Yeah - as if!

You unzipped and I could almost see your pubes. You said, "Too much!", and zipped up, leaving just an inch showing. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what you wanted me to be.

You didn't want to be kissed, you didn't want to be held. Instead we hugged a tree together. You were wearing your Oriflame sunglasses with funny, scratched lenses that make you even blinder than you already are...

the wind blows through

2009-10-05T10:53:00.003+03:00

lutheran guilt

2009-10-02T18:22:00.002+03:00

I’m motivated by nothing but guilt. If you know anything about me...,I am just a towering mass of Lutheran, Mid-Western guilt.

Dave Letterman

mona lisas and mad hatters

2009-09-28T16:47:00.001+03:00

The Mad Hatter told Alice that "words mean what you want them to mean." He would have been at home in the European Union, where "no" means "yes" and political propaganda is passed off as information.

Derek Scott - The Wall Street Journal

letting the cables sleep

2009-09-24T23:55:00.005+03:00

I opened the window and breathed in the fresh air of mid fall. Decaying leaves. Not there yet. The rain still sounds like precious summer. At one point, it changes, into horrid everlasting early-winter-winter-early-spring that drags on forever. And ever.
I looked at little rivers that had formed and were running underneath the cars, carrying little yellow leaves.

I had consumed half a bottle of wine. I had been on the phone with you for two hours and. There was no breakthrough. After 6 years. I am on the phone with you and I feel, as if... No. I feel nothing. You don’t let me feel anything. You are in an other world. As if I never knew you.
I don’t even think that you like me these days. For we are different. Or you are different. I, for most part think, have not changed.
You are still in me, a part of me. ME.
And yet you construct your little glass walls, which are not to be seen, only to be felt. Down the cable lines our voices drift and you tell me time and time again, that you need to go.
Go.
It’s sad. To lose. Spark.
I think you’ve lost yours.

what are you doing?!

2009-09-10T17:42:00.008+03:00

I should have taken that chance. And I should have accepted that kiss. So that now, seven years later, I would not be obsessing over the missed opportunity.
Will it haunt me, I wonder, for the rest of my life?
That that night, I was such a coward.

A kiss is just a kiss. In my world. These days.
When did it become to mean just that...?

I was scared. Mostly of my own self and the cameras and the microphones.
I'm sure we were being watched.

But it would have meant a lot to me. To have kissed you. I don't know about you.
I was sitting on my bed, you stood in front of me. You leaned down and tried to kiss me.

And all I did was ask you, "What are you doing?!"

mr. clinton

2009-09-09T15:04:00.005+03:00

You want me to tell you what my husband thinks?
My husband is not the secretary of state.
I am.

Hillary Clinton

responding to a mistranslated
question from a Congolese student
about her husband's opinion
(he had meant to ask about Barack Obama).

going to pieces without falling apart

2009-08-19T16:35:00.003+03:00

Got to love that blissful ignorance you have before meeting someone that is going to change your life. Not knowing the significance of things to come. Yet. That is good. Some relationships ought to stay frozen in that moment. They should...

summer skin

2009-08-08T21:38:00.007+03:00

Were it possible to capture a perfect early August night. I would do it. The smells and the sounds. The crickets. The early crickets, their shells yet soft.

I would make it last, make time stop. Stop. I don’t want to leave this moment, I don’t want to forget this beauty. And then it’ll fade. Until next time it comes around and washes over you like a wave of something familiar and loved. And it fills your heart with longing and with love and another gazillion indescribable emotions. And you just ache for the time to stop.

Stop, stop. STOP.

I’m so incredibly rural. Heavy farm equipment on the roads and hay bales scattered about the field give the feeling of reassurance. Strange and solid safety. What did I expect? This is what I know. This is what I love. And even when the feeling gets lost in all the cities I spend my time in. I am here. My skin crawls back. My bones crave to be back. My soul screams. At times. At me. To go back. Just to be. Rural.
And shed my summer skin.

Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The water's warm and children swim
And we frolicked about in our summer skin

I don't recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labor day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin
(death cab for cutie)

all synchronized

2009-01-28T23:06:00.003+02:00

Must be the PMS or otherwise... I'm seriously worried - as Finnish synchronized skating on TV is making me cry... :)

the stone gods

2009-01-22T10:48:00.002+02:00

Every second the Universe divides into possibilities and most of those possibilities never happen. It is not a uni-verse - there is more than one reading. The story won't stop, can't stop, it goes on telling itself, waiting for and intervention that changes what will happen next.
Love is an intervention.
Hand over hand, beginning the descent of you. Hand over hand, too fast, like my heartbeat. This is the way down, the cliff, the cave.
No safety, no certainty of return.

Jeanette Winterson

h.e.d.v.i.g.

2008-12-13T18:30:00.001+02:00

obama team unveiled

2008-12-01T18:04:00.005+02:00

Quite a national security team assembled. And most of all, go Hillary!
(photo: CNN)

seven hours

2008-11-24T11:01:00.004+02:00

Seven hours and 250 K fit in countless stops to scrape ice and snow off the windshield, two bathroom stops, back and headache.
I've never see anything like this...

four stars

2008-11-19T13:14:00.004+02:00

I found it noteworthy that General Ann E. Dunwoody was awarded the highest rank of any US military female as a Four-Star General. There are less than 15 four star generals in the US Army (or was it the armed forces...? A bit confused on that one.)

the cheesiest cheese

2008-11-18T10:19:00.003+02:00

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said “I just don’t care?”

It’s only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It’s only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

(by p!nk)

secretary of state

2008-11-14T11:17:00.003+02:00

Hillary for Secretary of State? Oh yes, yes please!
Anything to accommodate the her brains and experience.

obama

2008-11-05T16:16:00.003+02:00

... is no Hillary, but OK, it'll have to do.

I mean you have to give it to him, the Chicago speech last night brought a lump to my throat. I just hope that the American public will not be too disappointed when things won't change as fast or as much than they'd initially hoped for.

Congrats!

in brussels, i don't mind the fall...

2008-11-05T15:58:00.001+02:00

Brussels 4.11.2008

This autumn is somewhat different. At times it feels like early spring, and then it feels like the beginning of an end – something gloomy yet to come. Winter. Shrug.

I see it all from my window – the little time I get to spend at home. The colors and the light are changing with every season. The trams continue to be as loud as ever…

I don’t think there’s an image much more powerful than an open field wrapped in afternoon's sunlight – with a lone walker and a dog taking a stroll.
There’s a touch of longing and a feeling of freedom of unconditional love.
Between two God’s creatures.

dimensional

2008-10-22T10:57:00.004+03:00

It’s funny that when you think that you are standing on your own two feet…beautifully… all it takes is a single, 5-minute phone call from the past to send your house of cards crumbling. The house that only this morning(!!!) seemed reassuringly solid.

Oh I wish. Sometimes I wish I could still be shiny and new.
Blissfully one-dimensional :)

first lady vol 2

2008-10-17T10:28:00.004+03:00

Much better Evelin! I want that skin. I WANT those Bonts, and I WILL kick your ass next time around. Mark my words. :D:D

(photo: PM)

unpuzzle me

2008-10-15T08:49:00.001+03:00

my job, my country, my honor

2008-10-14T17:00:00.004+03:00

I love my job, and all the crazy bullshit that comes with it.
Love the politics, love the difference that we make.
We are the change, the power, the STATE.

I'm proud to represent, my state. My country.
I am my country.

I serve serve her.
With honor.

God bless...

:)

r.e.m.

2008-10-08T10:05:00.004+03:00

I dreamed I was on top of one of the spires of the Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia church, looking down. The spires were swaying in the wind and I was standing on a little circular platform attached to the spire, which in its’ turn was swinging in the wind. I was horrified. But stayed calm. And I’ve never even been to Barcelona, let alone seen the church…

As the dream progressed I dreamed of a HUGE satellite in the night sky. It was huge. HUGE. With a humongous saucer on one end, reflecting off the Sun, or maybe the Moon. I don't know.
It was majestically moving amidst the constellations, graceful and awe-inspiring. It was eerily quiet.
Have I been to space?

berlin. marathon. berghain

2008-10-07T00:22:00.006+03:00

I always get in trouble when I’m with you. If not with anyone else, then my own consciousness... Or with my own body.

You make me want to do things that I initially didn’t want to. And worst yet - enjoy them. I don’t know how you do it. But I guess you’re there to widen my horizons. Lately, I feel. I’m there to widen yours.

I have been congratulated on completing the marathon countless times by now. I didn’t know that that’s what you’re supposed to do. But it’s nice that someone would consider your pain noteworthy. And noteworthy it was. Every single mile, every passing minute. I expected many tings, but never did I think that after crossing the finish-line all I would want to do, would be crumbling into a heap of total exhaustion and cry, cry, CRY.
I didn’t – I couldn’t. But what horrible god-damn 42 kilometers it had been. No liquids, cramps and pain. I don’t have words to describe the moment I finally got to crouch down, muscles stretching like chewy gum. Spine cracking and a lump in my throat.
The craziest thing is that - I want more.

Hours later you lead me to a dark opening. Or is it me that guided you? Spontaneously, we dive in. There was no time to worry whether they’d find out, kick me out, or kick my ass for I’m not a man. It was dark, I was safe.
There was room upon room and labyrinth upon labyrinth filled with men. Horny, half-naked men. Gyrating, touching and groping. There was a harness hanging from the ceiling and someone was getting fucked. Hard. By the sights and sounds of it.
We walked around from one room to another, me astonished and shocked of what I was seeing. Blow jobs, wanks, sex. Group sex. All around me, a reach away. Bodies, butts and sweat. I just sat there on the floor staring. For about two hours. I just sat and stared, walked around and stared some more. You got bored, you said I was daft, and left me to my own devices. I stared some more. I must admit, I found the whole thing somewhat arousing.

We stumbled home in full sunlight. I almost died of the consequences. The hangover, and guilt dripping off my forehead.
You laughed, just like you always do...

indian summer

2008-09-25T00:01:00.013+03:00

I took a walk around the block. And then I walked to the pub. The local pub. And I had a beer. It felt like spring. And it smelled like spring. Even the sun shone like spring.

There’s another fork in the road, and it seems they always seem to come in September.
The trees are still swaying green but I can’t really hear the birds anymore.

Today was all about make or break. And guess what, I might have actually made it. This time.
Tomorrow I’ll be facing an adventure. Another adventure.

I love this weather.
I love my life.
I’m grateful.
Every morning.
Grateful.
For all I have.
I’m full of love.
That is the secret.
Grateful...

reality bites

2008-09-18T22:14:00.001+03:00

only you have the power.
to hurt.
and cut as deep as you do.
only you.

always and forever. i guess.

i can see russia from my house :D

2008-09-18T00:10:00.002+03:00

brussels +26

2008-09-16T22:27:00.009+03:00

I like Brussels, I really do. There's always a lesson to be learned. And I listened with my mouth open. Quite literally.

The labyrinth of all things euro,
except for..., they took us behind
the scenes.
And it does make a difference

what floor you're on. As always. :)

the job situation

2008-09-15T23:14:00.006+03:00

To sum things up on this end:

"I only have one job."
"Oh, really? Leta, what would that job be?"
"Work."
"Work?"
"That's right. Work."
"Where do you go to work?"
"At my job, where else?"
by dooce

my sci-fi

2008-09-10T15:07:00.002+03:00

The Swiss atom smasher - The Hardon Collider which can "see" into the past, and the new IV generation thermochemical hydrogen producing nuclear reactors with can create temperatures up to 510°C to 1000°C as opposed to 330°C for today's light water reactors must be the most exciting projects out there.
What if they did offer answers to the life-long questions and what if they could learn to make the reactors that would solve the Earth's future energy needs. Some day.
Oh, and the next trip to the Moon (around 2020) and Lunar bases come in third. Cryonics and rebirth follow closely after.

These are exciting times!

first lady

2008-09-08T12:40:00.007+03:00

WTF, Evelin...?

(photo. J.Jõepera)

palin for VP

2008-09-01T11:20:00.006+03:00

Well, it so appears that we are ready for a (white) female VP after all. I was impressed for about 5 minutes that it took me to look up her profile, and find Mrs. Sarah Palin embody a hardcore right wing religious no-choice radical. Weird that McCain would go for someone like that. Being that it's 2008 and not 1960. Even for Republicans.
What makes it even more weird is that Cindy McCain had to add her own funny twist to the show by claiming that Mrs. Palin has national security experience because Alaska is close to Russia. Ummm.... ok :)

pieces of summer

2008-08-27T20:55:00.005+03:00

27% of clinton democrats voting for mccain

2008-08-27T09:47:00.004+03:00

There you go, like I said. A sizable number of Democrats inclined towards backing Hillary Clinton at the primaries will instead vote for McCain at the elections. And right they are.
To this day I find it disappointing that Hillary will not be Obama's VP. The relations being what they are. Lost potential and votes. We're ready for an African American male and not a (white) female president (or a VP for that matter). Unfortunately not just yet.

georgia on my mind

2008-08-11T16:33:00.005+03:00

vacation riga summer

2008-08-08T14:47:00.010+03:00

earth intruder

2008-07-31T11:11:00.008+03:00

I just don't really have words to describe Björk's concert. I'm turning it around in my head, completely overwhelmed. How do you put something like that into words? In short. Intense, and psychedelic, mind blowingly powerful. Hypnotic and life changing. Jesus... Music is the drug, there needs to be no other. Instruments will be covered later.

ticky tacky

2008-06-20T12:32:00.001+03:00

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky,
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All went to the university,
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same,
And there's doctors and lawyers,
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

(M.Reynolds - RESPECT!)

blind light

2008-06-04T14:53:00.012+03:00

There are a whole lot of things about Kyiv and Ukraine that in perspective and retrospective have a tendency to sneak back and morph into something really special.

And then you look back. With fondness and sense of warmth and puzzlement on this giant mix of emotions and experiences of unimaginable beauty, and also grotesque. It’s a humbling feeling of a sort.

The people. Its’ people shine like tiny stars of a distant galaxy. Dim and far off, but persistent - in an „aaaaaawwwww!!!“ sort of way. Everyone being an artist, or a writer, or a musician.

A private birthday party for Bulgakov at the Bulgakov museum with wine and tea and jam. And a cat -the magic of threes and thirteens.

PinchukArtCentre was displaying wonders: - Mariko Mori’s Oneness and Antony Gormley’s Blind Light. Two concepts were overlapping the beginning and the end - the departure;

Installation Tom NA H-IU is on-line connected with Kamiokande research center in Japan (the centre registers neutrinos coming from our Galaxy and Andromeda Galaxy and passing through the Earth when Supernova emerges). The installation reacts to signals received from Japan through Internet by changing its color.

Eerily silent, standing in the dark, letting you know when a star is born. Or. When it dies...
(photo K.Leibowitz)

A large, reinforced glass box, filled with dense, damp, disorienting white fog created by overhead humidifiers and bright fluorescent lights - invoking and referencing clouds of thick, misty fog bringing visibility down to less than a meter. Making it equally an astonishing as well as euphoric experience.
(photo S. White)

And it was. It still is. It was so white and bright that you could see the liquid on your eyeballs move, creating rotating brownish patterns... as if something were hovering in the air right in front of you.

I went in and splattered around, and lost all sense of direction whatsoever. And then I grinned from ear to ear and stumbled away, hands outstretched, looking (feeling) for the door. It wasn't where I thought it would be. I breathed the cloud, I bit the cloud, and finally - I lived the cloud. So to speak...

inside africa

2008-05-25T22:55:00.001+03:00

Zimbabwe's inflation level has hit one million percent and prices continue to rise. A loaf of bread is now costing around 200 million, a sum that would have bought 12 new cars only a decade ago.

Whoa, Jesus!

go vegan for e4!

2008-05-22T15:16:00.001+03:00

the word is on your lips - say the word

2008-05-08T14:43:00.002+03:00

Passion,
Is our passion,
In the moonlight,
On a joyride
Easy living,
Killed the young dudes,
In the high boots.
We love this exaltation
We want the new temptations
It's like a revelation
We live on fascination.

The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
The words is on your lips - say the word
(by alphabeat)

V A C A T I O N !

Belarus and Ukraine. Here I come.
And I'll see you tomorrow!
Bliss...

cheeky monkeys

2008-04-22T19:47:00.002+03:00

Ahh, my love for you.
Bits and pieces.
All my bits.
And all my pieces.

mr. berlioz

2008-04-14T11:36:00.001+03:00

Ever since I've moved to live on the other side of the tram tracks, paranoia has been seeping in - what if I get run over, what if my head gets cut off, like Mr. Berlioz'...?

hunter (gatherer?)

2008-04-02T13:02:00.005+03:00

After careful consideration and facing the facts I can testify that the whole essence of my being can pretty much be summed up by the following:

I (can) fuck your brains out - and that, not in a good way...

vote Hillary!

2008-03-26T14:47:00.010+02:00

Ever since the going got rough for Hillary, I’ve been hiding my head in the sand and have ignored the issue for the most part. I wholeheartedly root for her to make it, and I really don’t want to know that she has lost at yet another state.
Oh come on - Vote Hillary!

Newsweek summarizes:
“It’s unclear exactly when the primaries stopped being a joyous occasion for the Democrats. But as the weeks have ground on, the intensity between Democrats who disagree has calcified, the vitriol grown fiercer. According to exit polling in the Texas primary, 91 percent of Clinton supporters said they would be dissatisfied with Obama as the nominee; 87 percent of Obama fans said they would be dissatisfied with Clinton. Nationally, a quarter of those who back Clinton say they’d vote for John McCain if Obama won the nomination (while just 10 percent of Obama supporters would do the same if he lost). For many Democrats, what started out as a glowing opportunity for a historic presidency has become a depressing display of division and anger trumping reason. Because the policy differences between Clinton and Obama are minor, the debate is not about substance; it’s been mainly about character and identity in a contest between a black man and a white woman. Growing anger about perceived racism and sexism is souring what was once excitement among Democrats about an embarrassment of riches. Now many are embarrassed that the party which prides itself on diversity is battling its own prejudices…”

If I were a voter and a Democrat (which technically I am), I’m sure I would have felt disillusioned. All they had to do was waltz in and sweep the seat of the president. Instead they had to go and bring out some pretty random guy, who’s wisdom and experience (in my mind) is no match to Hillary’s. If it really came down to Obama securing the Democratic nomination - I would probably not have sold out to McCain, I’d simply not vote at all.

photo: reuters, article: newsweek, by Julia Baird

красота

2008-03-25T09:50:00.004+02:00

Какая красота
Дождь идет
Я одна
На тротуарах пузыри,
Я считаю их
Я не знаю Вас…
Больше…
(z)

Every time this song comes on - in my mind, I am instantly back on dark roads and rain, endless rain of the late Latvian fall.

You and me on the back seat strapped down (and to each other) with one seatbelt. You have to make do with what you have.

I guess the song was on repeat. A melancholy soundtrack to the fall that was in the stage of relative warmth but plenty rain. Leaves were being pulled off trees and stuck to windshields, wet and bright yellow.

There were no doubts and double meanings that night. Just darkness and music and the road that didn’t want to seem to end...
Bless.

one day

2008-03-18T14:11:00.004+02:00

I am thinking about one day in late August. So random. Lately random pictures from the past just shoot up in my head. I wonder even why. Something totally forgotten.
A Sunday afternoon, sunny and warm - the kind that circles up dust on the curb. The sun and the air brownish-yellow.

My sister and me we were moving house. We had borrowed a bigger car to save us some trips. I think we were bonding. My heart was heavy, because I knew that I was going to get dumped shortly. You always know these things.
We were working. Absentmindedly, like machines, carrying bags and bags full of stuff. Unsorted and useless stuff accumulated over the years.

I didn't know then what it must feel for her to move in. Her own place and her own mortgage. I just moved in with her. My own room, my big sister. Five years later, my sister is letting me go to stand on my own two feet. She's firm in that message. And I admit it being scary.

Other apartments and buildings to move into, other mortgages. A new environment and beginnings. A tram that passes so that I can just about catch a glimpse when it goes.

I know that in theory, life is so simple and all the things we worry about just don't matter.
Only the relationship with our own soul has any bearing on anything.
That day is just a memory in the string of thousands of memories piling up in my brain.
Did they ever exits at all.
And are we even here?

st.petersburg

2008-03-03T20:49:00.011+02:00

I waited four years and you delivered. Your own way, a different way.

I took you in and held you. I slept. And slept and slept. In a room with shabby windows, where the frames, for the most part, performed as windows purely on their own free will.

And then there were makeshift windows that dotted the outer walls. People had craved and carved for light. There were doors that used to be back entrances, now front entrances. Courtyards beyond courtyards that can take you from one end of the block right through to the other. Beyond and beyond. Endlessly, it seemed.

The wind swept and the skies were iron-colored and heavy. It was cold and dark, but somehow it felt warm underneath. There were churches. People inside, coming and going. They all knew the routine - which crucifixes to kiss, which altars to bow at, which candle-stand for the living and which ones for the dead. Sacred water in the corner. Just drink.

I did.

pros and cons

2008-02-28T15:16:00.006+02:00

Food for thought by Ferdinando Riccardi.

It is easy to criticise the European position on Kosovo, but much more difficult to say objectively what else the EU could have done. The situation was painfully simple: 90% of the population of Kosovo refused to belong to the Serbian Republic. A few years ago, Serbs and Kosovars were fighting one another in a cruel war, responsibility for which they must share.

Whether we like it or not:

1. Repercussions elsewhere are inevitable. It is unrealistic and simplistic to claim that recognition of a new state, the independence of which was proclaimed on the initiative of the population, will not have consequences in other parts of the world. Certainly, according to the EU's official text, Kosovo is a one-off, which in no way sets any precedent. That is a hope, a wish, not a reality. Addressing the European Parliament, the Serbian foreign minister condemned the seriousness of a “secession for ethnic reasons”. While acknowledging that, in the past, the Kosovars had been oppressed, he drew a comparison between the Iraqi Kurds under Saddam Hussein and the Kosovars under Milosevic, pointing out that, in both cases, the oppression had ended and that the international community had not recognised the independence of Iraqi Kurdistan. In Spain, El Paķs confirmed that the Basque authorities and the Basque National Party, the PNV, will convene the self-determination body (consulta) within eight months. Ossetia and Abkhazia believe they have more reasons than Kosovo to be able to decide their future. And this is only the beginning.

2. Intellectuals are giving thought. Claudio Magris, the author of Danube, an essential work if one is to begin to understand the historic reality and the attitude of the people living along this vast river, asked the starter question: what is it that gives a national group the right to become a state? He condemns “the incredible claim for every nationality to be a state”, likening it to “a barbarism, a call from the forest”. Timothy Garton Ash noted that within UNPO (Unrepresented Nations and Peoples Organisation) there are 69 members (ranging alphabetically from Abkhazia to Zanzibar) and that each one believes itself to be a special case. There are no criteria for deciding which groups can call for self-determination, and Mr Garton Ash drew the conclusion, “Of course, Kosovo sets a precedent!”

I have mentioned two internationally known and respected figures; I could mention others each with the same concerns and each, from his/her own specific direction, coming to the same conclusions.

3. Reasons behind Serbian wait-and-see policy. Those of Serbian origin in neighbouring countries (especially in Kosovo itself and Bosnia and Herzegovina) have become first in line for the right to self-determination, for obvious reasons. They are keeping quiet for the moment and Belgrade has not issued any demands quite simply because the official position is that all of Kosovo is Serbian and must remain so. One of the leaders of the Mitrovica Serbs said: “We will continue to live as before, abiding by the laws of Serbia, with our own institutions and voting in Serbian elections”. However, when the situation becomes clearer, who will be able to deny the above-mentioned Serbs the same right to decide for themselves? Kosovan Prime Minister Hashim Thaēi is the one who would seem to be divorced from reality when he says that Kosovo is a single, indivisible unit, its boundaries recognised and guaranteed under international law. They are recognised and guaranteed precisely as part of the Serbian Republic. Who can, in all honesty, say that one border cannot be changed and another can.

commission.crimes.brussels.spring

2008-02-12T23:23:00.000+02:00

It had been raining 24 hours straight, I was walking up the street and felt sorry for my shoes.

The wind made the rain fall vertical so that the drops were splashing on my eyeballs, blurring my vision. I blinked, my eyelids forming human windshield wipers.

There was a tiny black bird on the railing singing it’s little heart out in the jam of 5pm traffic.
Rue de la Loi.

The spring was pouring in.

dodo's conundrum

2008-01-31T11:01:00.000+02:00

Born to multiply
Born to gaze into night skies
All you want is one more Saturday
Well look here until then
They’re gonna buy your nice time
So keep your wick in the air and your feet in the fetters
'Till the day you come in doing cartwheels
We all pull out by ourselves
And your shape on the dance floor
Will have me thinking such filth and gouge my eyes

You’d be damned to be one of us girl
Faced with a dodo’s conundrum
I felt like I could just fly
But nothing happened every time I tried...
(The Shins)

T H A N K Y O U ! :)

Ms.Magazine

2008-01-24T15:11:00.000+02:00

"What worries me is that he is seen as unifying by his race while she is seen as divisive by her sex."

Gloria Steinem, on Barack Obama's edge over Hillary Clinton

blades for stalin

2008-01-21T01:05:00.000+02:00

It's time soon. Spring, you know...
Blades made (and presented) for Stalin in 1949.
(photo J.Piirsalu)

impossible is nothing

2008-01-20T21:53:00.000+02:00

Impossible is nothing.

We start out like that. That impossible is nothing. You get sent to kindergarden and then you get sent to school and the uni, and you simply know that impossible is nothing.

And then life kicks in, and sometimes you know that not all is possible. That there are disappointments and broken hearts and that your net salary is nowhere near of what you had in mind...

Not all is lost on life’s petty details- not all if you still find it in you to know that at times impossible is nothing. No really!!!

you know what?

2008-01-15T09:58:00.000+02:00

You know what? ... Whatever!...

fisher and diaz

2008-01-14T15:38:00.000+02:00

Um, should I say - scarred for life? I'm still in shock after crying my way through the Six Feet Under season 5 finale.
Lord, have mercy. It's been a while I've been shaken and stirred like that.
And I do. I do realise that it's just a TV show - a fucked up, genius TV show...
(photo: HBO)

liirum-laarum

2008-01-09T15:18:00.001+02:00

The thing is that... if you go for lunch and agree on just one beer and give in to persuasions of an another one you'll simply end up drunk at work at 3pm...

typical situation

2008-01-05T21:46:00.000+02:00

It had been a typical day of grand thoughts and insecure thoughts, dreams and decisions.

I’d been very very late for work. I’d been worried about kitchen design and worried about the choice of tiles for the bathroom. And of keeping things together.

I’d been multitasking by making it to the pub, collecting a Xmas present from one end of town to watching a neurotic Woody Allen movie with you on your über and beyond entertainment system in the other end of town.

It’d been cold. As I left, you headed for the park. I measured the distance – 5 minutes.

At 11:30 pm I sat in the car at a car wash watching water turn into ice on my windshield. 7 minutes fit a phone call and a more than slightly worrisome thought of Hillary Clinton failing Iowa...

It's a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices, yeah
It’s a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices.
(Dave Matthews Band)

benazir

2007-12-28T00:41:00.000+02:00

Now what is this?! Could you not guard her life just a little better? She should have deserved that.
I don't even know why I feel so disappointed and sad being that Pakistan is so far away and what not. But I guess amongst all other aspects of this crime, as a woman you feel for a woman - for a great woman, who had the brains and the guts to be strong and outspoken. Who against all odds ended up being a politician in a country where women don't really count for much. And, who maybe could have made a difference - politically...
Ahh, what incredible waste of human life.

rites of passage

2007-12-26T19:13:00.002+02:00

We’re the kind that come together on a graveyard. From different corners of the country like little magnets we get pulled - to congregate and stand by the grave-side of the ones that do the pulling. Those that had been and are now gone. Those that define, and those that went so long ago that there’s no-one left to remember. Someone in their time that had to leave in their time. On my family plot - I bring flowers and I bring candles and I walk across and on top and all over their graves and... do they even know..., much less about me?

We discuss funeral arrangements, and who wants to be and rest where and how we want to be disposed of. It’s morbid, so we joke to make it easier.

And then we take a drive back and we feel whole. We get take-out coffee that so appropriately comes in Xmas-red cups, and probably feel the closest we’ve felt in a long while. With my sister at the wheel and no longer my dad. Mom fussing with snacks and soft drinks. We rise questions and make family council decisions. A rites of passage for the best family in the world.

- I love you -

builders union

2007-12-19T12:55:00.000+02:00

How do you construct a person. How to build character. Where would you start. Which layers would get laid first. What is the foundation. Is it a pyramid. Or is it a block of flats? Or a semi-detached? What abilities should tower?

What makes it solid. Is it a brick of belief, or brick of trust or the brick of endless love.

What if one day, after years of careful(?) labor you sit back and realize that nothing is the way it should be. That the foundation is the ceiling, and the ceiling is the wall. The floors are tilted. The electricity of hope and desire and joy gone haywire - power's out.

What do you do. Where do you start the reconstruction of putting things back together? How do you help. What goes first.
What to do with the fucking carpet that keeps sliding off the floor...?

detonate

2007-12-17T13:18:00.000+02:00

One of these days, I'm going to turn off the light and detonate.
Leave an empty shell.

suspended in-between a wurlitzer and a rhodes

2007-12-14T15:17:00.000+02:00

I finally admit defeat. Allright. Allright. I emptied out my car and lifted out my skates. I'd so hoped that I'd still have another go.
Winter you bitch!

Items fished out my boot:

Empty plastic bags - 10
Plastic bags full of weird stuff/junk - 5
Bag full of CDs - 1
Empty windshield washer fluid containers 5L - 2
Full windshield washer fluid container 5L - 1
Sleeping bag - 1
Shoes - 4 pairs
Cycling shoes - 1 pair
Slippers - 1 pair
Rollerblades - 1 pair
Helmet - 1
Sports vest - 1
Sports gloves - 1 pair
Band-aid (duct)tape for taping feet for roller blading - 4 rolls (2 wide, 2 narrow)
Screwdriver - 1 normal, 2 for skates
Dirty sports socks - 2 pairs
Strap-on water bottle - 1
Big empty carton box - 1
Backpack - 1
Empty Coke and water bottles - 20
Old Newsweek/Time magazines - 10

... something else, I'm sure I forgot.

funny quote of the day

2007-11-27T08:18:00.000+02:00

When the aforementioned demographic learn about my sexual preference, they often look at me though they expect me to twiddle my moustache and bark, "What are you so fucking happy about? Don't you know we are oppressed? And wait, is that fucking lipstick you're wearing, you tool of patriarchy?"
Patricia Curmi

i'd meant something else

2007-11-26T13:02:00.000+02:00

See, it doesn’t really matter when I get up or set off for things, I’m always late. This morning which was like any other morning of grey wetness and occasional frosty surfaces I decided not to be late for work and I decided not to get road rage. I formed a perfect bubble of music and lethargy. Like a robot, I don’t think I looked around, just ahead. And I didn’t care if I made it to the big intersection in 8 minutes (my daily aim) or 10 or even 20. And honestly, …just to be clear, I could totally get off by just listening to Zemfira’s new album. Over and over and over again.

There’s never enough time for anything. For reflection. I’m always worried that I miss out on things, that I am wasteful with my time. Fridays equal me feeling like a kid in a candy store with two days of time for thoughts and leisurely activities and maybe books I could actually make myself read instead of leafing through. I don’t read. For years now. At least not the way I used to. Mostly the two days of time are up before I’ve had a chance to accomplish anything meaningful. Now, that is a bit sad.

brnik and the President

2007-11-15T13:18:00.000+02:00

I was about to jump through the roof at the thought of meeting the President tomorrow only to go through my emails that are telling me that while I'm sitting here waiting for my delayed flight closer to home, he's already been and gone. Oh well... At least it's sunny.

new shoes

2007-11-05T11:13:00.001+02:00

1. winter tires - check
2. Martha Stewart's deep dish American apple pie - miserable failure